AnaStar

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect, you aren’t either, the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, admit to being human & making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break; her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze, and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

Dating this person for three months, that one for a few weeks, sometimes longer. They come, they go, someone is always coming as someone else is going; it’s not like there’s no one, but it’s all so lonely. I have no trouble meeting them, and I meet them everywhere: the usual places like friends’ rooftop barbecues and downtown dive bars—but also in business meetings, where we end up making eyes at each other instead of working, or standing in movie lines or walking home at night. I am a hopeless, shameless flirt. I wish I were shyly, quietly intriguing, like Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, like someone French and fashionable who knows how to twirl her ladylike locks just so and walk adroitly on kitten heels, who is all gesture and whisper—but I am unfortunately forward and forthright: When I am interested in a man, he absolutely knows it. And I like men quite a lot and convey so much excitement and heat that I can keep the game going, at least for a while. Occasionally, I meet someone truly wonderful, and my heart breaks because I don’t know how to sustain the energy. It never quite starts, and I can’t tell you how it ends—all this pretty persuasion is a big pull for men, but then they’re gone. All of them. Somehow, I can seduce and be seduced for a moment here and there, but I can’t seem to meaningfully connect. That’s why it’s not seduction at all; if it were, I’d be getting what I want.